Wouldn't it be nice if we could really see ourselves for what we truly were... Not what you thought that you were but what you actually were. Cos I could swear that some people were blind to their own flaws... But when I think that way, I have to continue to think about my own self... Am I blind to my own flaws? Do I actually irritate the hell out of others but I'm just too caught up with myself that I don't see it...? Its really easy to sit here and point fingers at others... So much so that we forget that its ourselves that need to be changed as well...

::: Quote of the Day :::
"Check your sources... Cos if they are wrong or cannot be trusted, everything based on it will fall..."

Chalet, Chalet, Chalet... It was fun, I think... The good thing about things like this, you get to observe how different people are and how they react to different situations... Spent lots of time playing scrabble, playing guitar and talking nonsense with people...

The first night was spent reminiscing about the time I spent with Eileen at Sentosa... A small group of us went for a walk and we found ourselves at the 'pond/ fountain' near the entrance to the merlion... It was there where all the memories started rushing back... I could remember with such vivid detail the things that happened on that day... And the thing that hit me the hardest was remembering how happy she was... After a while, I walked away from the group to the bench that we had sat on. It was beside a vending machine.. Sentosa was the only place I hadn't gone to 'get over her'. So it affected me quite a lot... Spent a few minutes on the bench. Needed to clear my head... I had already known that I'd be like that because on the way into Sentosa earlier, I had passed by the gardens near the musical fountain and I felt that sharp pang...

WHY ARE YOU STILL LIKE THIS???
I frustrate myself... I seriously do. Its been more than 4 months. Haven't gotten very far, it seems... The more I think about it, the more grateful I am for the one year covenant.. Especially when I'm still prone to things like these.

I had a lot of fun on the 2nd night of the chalet... When we went to the beach at night to drink... Shen and I were playing guitar... Actually, he was playing all the songs and I was just backing up... Managed to come up with nice tune when we were 'freestyling'... Haha.
Most of them stayed till about 3-ish.. I decided to spend some time by myself on the beach... Needed to think and clear my head... And I have. I know what I need to do... I'll just have to do it...

I don't think its easier... I think its more rewarding. Just that the rewards aren't here yet...
Got a card from a friend. It felt like a slap in the face when I read it... But I guess I needed that. Thanks for the encouragement.

I think I've said too much... Silly me...

Yet another case of how important it is to be right with God... Worship was very good. I could feel the whole drumset around me 'singing' out in praise to God... I loved the part where everyone sang spontaneously and I was just letting Him guide my playing... It was such a beautiful noise... I think I played harder than when in my own band... But when it ended, I was not tired at all... I hardly remember how or what I played... All I know is that He was definitely guiding the worship... I wasn't paying any attention to the sequence, but I managed to know when to build up and when to slow down.

Imagine standing in a dark room... Then in front of you, you see a pinprick of white light... And this light keeps getting brighter and brighter until everything is illuminated by this light and you're blinded by it... And all we see is bright whiteness... This was what it felt like during worship, except it wasn't light... It was a deafening sound... Not unpleasant, not causing discomfort... but just making everything more glorious... I don't know how else to describe it. Hmmm....

Didn't ask anyone else how worship was... I guess I didn't need to ask... Could see it in their faces? And in the response to the speaker's call? I was overjoyed to see certain people going up to offer themselves... I've decided that I'll go also to fulfill my role as a cell leader... :-)

You know whats tough? At the end of a wonderful day like today, I'll have to remind myself that I'm not alone... I have to remind myself of what I've been called to do... I've to resist the thoughts that come into my mind that this is all a waste of time... That I'm living this 'straight-edged' life for nothing... But I know its not in vain. The changes have been seen and felt... There is no denying the truth...

::: Quote of the Day :::
"God didn't plan for us to just 'hang in there' until he returns... He wants us to live a rich and fulfilling life... and He provides everything required for that. We just have to know how to take it."

I'm trying...

Just a quick update... I've to go prepare for church soon. Playing for service today.. Zouk was lotsa fun... The guys kept teasing me that it was my first time there. Met a few new people. Learnt the secret of going to Zouk... You Don't Buy Beer From Zouk. You go to the nearby kopitiam... haahhaha.
Anyway, the reason why I went was because :-
1)Melvin's Graduation Show
2)It was free!!!

I wouldn't mind going again if I had money to burn... But I don't... So I won't.
They screened a whole bunch of short films... You know those kind of abstract stuff. In my opinion, it wasn't that good.. I felt that they were just chucking in their repetitive scenes with absurd soundtracks... I think that a lot of them could have done a lot better... Should have played around more with the sound and video... Not by just blurring every other scene. But its a good start... haha.. The music played in Zouk wasn't too bad... The music at Phuture was better. Breakbeats... But I prefer Drum & Bass still.

Gotta go bathe and prepare to go church...

Hello... Spent about 2 hours in my room with God before I slept last night. I was supposed to be thanking him but I ended up pouring all my frustrations and worries to Him again... I feel that with year 2 out of the way, I've reached another waypoint and I need to re-coordinate and get my directions right. I'm beginning to see the direction that I'm going but I can't help but feel that I've plateaued in my life again... Why is it that I always settle for what I have now? When God has promised so much more? Is it wrong to accept what I have now and make myself comfortable in my present situation? Or should I struggle and fight and work towards something that only God knows? It seems that you would put your hope and trust in something thats constant. Being the only constant in this sick, disgusting and deranged world, it seems that God is getting far too little of that.

I've been inspired more and more by bands like 'coldplay' and 'something corporate' to start learning how to play the piano again... I tried playing last night and the sounds that came from the piano were so beautiful... Felt like I was being carried away by the sounds. Not that I'm any good at playing... Just that the piano is such a wonderful intrument.

I'll be going to zouk tonight... It'll be my first time there. Melvin will be having his school's graduation show there... Thank God for the free tickets. Don't think I'll stay too late though... I'm playing for service tomorrow...

::: Quote of the Day :::
"Yeah and I still can't believe that one of my friend, Daryl, is a regular church goer, haha. In fact I'm rather impressed."
| Shaun |

Haha... See what I meant? This was what I was talking about...

::: Verse of the Day :::
"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." | Galatians 1:10 |

Evening everyone... The house is quite empty and quiet now... Only the sounds of some emo-punk coming out my computer speakers... No ones home except the maid and she's already asleep. Dunno where everyone is now... Its been a fun day. Went shopping with Matt, Cheng, Ziig, Pam, Denise and Jessica... Looked around Giant for things to buy on Monday when we shop for all the chalet stuff... Quite fun.. Looking forward to the chalet...

Was awoken this morning by an SMS... It was the service provided by the school to inform me about my results...

****************************************
EXAM RESULTS FOR 0003152F
CMSK2: C
ORDS: D
STMD: D
ADID: A
OSIN: C
RESULT: P
****************************************

Not very well done. But I'm relieved that I managed to pass... I was very worried that I'd have to repeat the year again. Thank God for His grace. I'm really relieved that I can continue with my studies... Finish up my last year in Poly, NS, then off to Rhema to study!!! Reverend Patsy gave a very vivid illustration. We're all like arrows for Christ. By submitting to His will and living according to His word, we're letting ourselves be drawn back in the bow... It will be difficult. No doubt about that. As the string tightens... as we're being prepared to be sent out. But its His target, His timing, His perfect aim, His perfect plan... and He never fails..


What Common Breed of Dog Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Good evening... Have been too lazy to update these past few days. Its come to a point where when I wake up, I don't remember what I did the day before... Playing mindless games before I sleep hasn't help much either... I think tonight before I sleep I'm going to spend time with God. There's no other activity which is as rewarding as spending time with God.

Went for jamming... Worked on our 2 originals. Exhausted most of my energy by the time we finished the first one. We had to repeat it about 5 times... Went on to play 3 finch songs... We seem to be covering a lot of them. I didn't seem to be able to play properly from then on. I think I was too tired... Christina came today... She's very helpful!!! Sat there and diligently recorded our songs for us. Too bad that the recording didn't turn out well... Too distorted. Maybe next time when we're ready with the song, we'll all play softly.

Headed to Raimah after jamming for a much needed rest and meal... Had my usual 'Dua Plaster, Satu Kosong...' Heard about an argument between Denise and Nurul about things written in their blogs... I don't want to get dragged into this but I want to give my two cents... I think that prejudice against a person is always no good... In this case, I'd like to mention here that I think that Nurul wasn't out to flame anyone... The words she used were the words I would have used to describe the situation. I think that this misunderstanding could have been handled in a more mature manner by both sides... This is my take on the situation. And this is all I have to say...

Read this verse a few days ago... I think it helps a lot in my struggle mentioned in my previous post... Isn't it wonderful how God answers when you're searching for an answer? Now I know I can overcome this!!! MuahahaHAAHHAaahahah!!!!

::: Verse of the Day :::
"For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men.
It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age,
while we wait for the blessed hope--
the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ,
who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness
and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good." | Titus 2:11-14 |

"Vague ideas of God don't serve us, and never lead to worship. What's more, we easily forget what He's like and what He's done. We say He's sovereign, then worry incessantly about that new noise our car is making. We know He is our Redeemer, but we can't shake that sense of low-grade guilt. He know He's omniscient and omnipresent, but we still feel alone as we drift off to sleep at night."

Hmmm... sounds like what I've been through these few nights. Praise God that Lynette sent me that article about Worship Leading. I'm a little pissed at myself. I missed worship today.. AGAIN!!! Grrr... Woke up at 11:10am. Reached in time for the sermon. Reverend Patsy spoke again... about Missions... Again, the main point was to submit to God and follow His Will for your life... I think thats the only challenge for us as Christians... To submit in obedience and to keep submitting. The rest of are promises to claim... She reminded me of when I submitted to God. I've sort of forgotten that I've done it... So I rededicated my life. Not without reluctance though. Mainly because I've been struggling so hard with an issue I have... I know God forgives... NO DOUBT about that! But its the repetitive, sinful human nature that keeps coming back... And it disgusts me. Honestly, it disgusts me.

Went for a gig after band practice in church... Was really humbled by the quantity and quality of the punk rock bands... All hope of my band making it big went out the window at first... But slowly, I realised that our band is special in its own way... We have a good vocalist in Matthew, a good screamer in Maha, a good bassist and a relatively good lead guitarist... And myself? I shan't comment on myself for fear of being labelled arrogant. Just more work on the tightness of the band and we'll be ready...

::: Lyric of the Day :::
"The single greatest commodity known to Man.
Promise...
Promise of a better day...
Promise of a greater hope...
Promise of a new tomorrow..."

Good afternoon. My days are getting more and more packed... I usually wake up at around 1pm. But I still only get around 8 hours of sleep. I think my body clock is set to UK time. Today has been an aimless day though... Spent almost the entire day here in front of the computer again. Hahaha... Jamming was good yesterday... As I mentioned, there were a lot of people... Ziig, Pam, Fabby's girlfriend, Denise, Jo, Christina and Chalk came as well... So there were about 12 of us in the studio. Crazy.

Christina's voice is quite strong... and she can style her voice. She managed to sing the entire 'Bring Me To Life' song by herself.. Including the male vocalist's rap. She was impressive but I was thinking how we could incorporate her into our music. It wouldn't be easy.. I suggested just having her to guest sing on a few songs... or until we come up with a song that she can sing. Chalk seemed pretty enthusiastic to work with us... Which made me more confident because I believe we still are able to improve a lot!!! Planning to record a demo soon... Maybe 3-4 tracks. This is really exciting! :P I think I might have played slightly too hard yesterday... I now have 2 blisters. One on my thumb and one on my index finger. I've put plaster over them. Hopefully I'll be able to play for practice in church tomorrow. Looking forward to church!!!

Went to prayer meeting after jamming... Prayed for Andy's dad. I was thinking about him on my way to church... Felt a real need to pray for him. I believe that there'll be a miracle... Had to rush down to Plaza Singapura after the meeting. Got a lift from Yvette to Outram MRT... Went to watch 'The Matrix Reloaded' with Matt, Ziig and Pam... Its a good show... The effects were stunning and the storyline wasn't too bad either... There were some parallels between the 'beliefs' in 'the one' and Christianity... hahaha. 9 out of 10!!!!

Going to sleep now... I MUST NOT BE LATE FOR SERVICE!!!!

Need to watch my 'mouth'... Upset a friend today. Sorry again... Anyway, went for Night Safari just now... I thoroughly enjoyed myself... It was so cool how close we came to the animals. I could just reach out and touch them... I think the darkness made it all the more mysterious... Should have brought binoculars for the animals that were quite far in. Jolynn had a mad obsession with the lizards that were on the ceilings. I think Cheng's one sleeve is now longer than the other. I think the most creepy part was when we all entered the bat cage... You could actually walk right up to the bats and if you weren't careful, you might have bumped into a bat. Haha... Kinda excited for later... I have jamming!!! WOOHOO!!! I think there'll be lotsa people coming tomorrow... Including the 5 band members, there might be about 11 people tomorrow. We'll be auditioning a female vocalist tomorrow... Then there'll be this guy who's gonna come 'check us out'. Apparently he wants to make a compilation and wants to see if we're good enough. I can tell you this... If we can make the CD, it'll be a great kickstart for us... But I seriously doubt it... We haven't polished our songs yet. ::: Lyric of the Day ::: let it slide, overhead when i believe in you, my soul can rest but our love, it's really love it never fades, but fade it does so pretty in white pretty when you're faithful when you're faithful i resigned from myself took a break was someone else it's like i've come undone and i've only just become inflatable for you i don't mind, most of the time but you push me so far inside

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
So now there's nothing left to say...
I'm supposed to pretend I'm ok
It comes down to the one fact that I cannot get past.
I'm supposed to believe that it'd never last.

I'm crying, I'm crawling,
falling outta my skin
I'm pleading, I'm bleeding
denying what is within

Wake up and face reality,
dreams are just a luxury
that you cannot afford
Time to smell the roses,
melt the facade of poseurs
who don't have a clue.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Went for mee pok in the morning. I always can't seem to finish it because its always too spicy for me... Even when Matt asked the guy to put less chilli. The band came over to work on songs again. Jammed one song with the drums and the people living below me came to complain. Gosh... I was already holding back ALOT!!! You don't see me complaining about construction noise... And it was only one in the afternoon...

Shen and Fabian had to leave earlier. So it was left with Matt, Maha, Ziig and myself... Exhausted myself trying to develop a song I recently wrote. Headed down to Huaying at around 5-ish for western food... Cheng joined us too. Gosh the food is really KILLER. I highly recommend it... Its at Jalan Masjid if anyone is interested. Opposite Kembangan MRT... Went home after dinner and tried to learn 'A Plain Morning' by Dashboard Confessional... Chris Carrabba uses a mad tuning.

Went for soccer at around 8pm. Found out that one of the the security guards of my estate turned off the lights and locked the gate of the court before I came down. I wasn't too happy with that... It wasn't the first time that this guy was getting on my nerves. It so happens that he works the night shift every tuesday. So every week he'll come and look for some reason to make us stop playing... So anyway, at 10-ish, this guard came along... So naturally, we stopped playing at started to stream out of the court. He simply turned out the lights... I don't mean to sound high and mighty here but where is the respect? Couldn't he wait for 8 seconds more for us to leave the court first? Thats when I lost my cool... I went to confront him and gave him a piece of my mind. He didn't seem to care. All he kept saying was, 'If you're not happy, go and complain!' in Chinese. Melvin kept trying to pull me away and I kept shrugging him off... The thing about Mel and I is that we know that by trying to hold someone back you actually make that person look fiercer... Haha.

Anyway soccer was quite fun... A lot of people turned up today. The quality of Kembangan FC has spread far and wide... Some of these people come all the way from the west to play soccer for 5 minutes at a time for 2 hours. I think I played quite well initially... Scored 2 nice goals... Have I mentioned that the goal was actually the basketball pole? Its about the same thickness as a lamppost or more like a traffic light. So its not that easy...

I was very encouraged by this...
RATMMM: don't worry
RATMMM: when i come back form aussie
RATMMM: in 5 YEARS
RATMMM: i'll see u with a gf
RATMMM: then i'll shake her hand
RATMMM: k
|TRaViS|: heheheh
|TRaViS|: that'll be nice

::: Quote of the Day :::
"Keep it up... I've already told you the consequences. If you're not afraid, keep it up."

At first I was confused... Seeing how much she's changed and seeing how much she's still the same as the girl I used to love. But I know its not in God's plan now. The more I thought about it, the more I realised that its not that I'm restricting myself from anything. Its that I can't bring myself to do anything. Its against my nature. I want to but I just cannot...

Spent time with God today... And I just started crying. My heart was so troubled. Not troubled for myself but for others. Its been awhile since I talked to God so freely. Then I heard this song on my Hi-Fi. It really comforted me... It reminded me that I'm not supposed to worry about these things...By worrying, its as if I'm telling God, "Yes, you're all-powerful and all-knowing... But somehow, I don't trust you."

::: Song of the Day :::
Lord of all creation, of water, earth and sky.
The heavens are your Tabernacle. Glory to the Lord on high!

Early in the morning, I will celebrate the life.
When i stumble in the darkness, I will call your name by night

Lord of heaven and earth
Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah, to the Lord of heaven and earth

God of wonders beyond our galaxy, you are holy, holy.
Precious Lord, reveal your heart to me, you are holy, holy.
The universe declares your majesty, you are holy, holy.


Shen brought his drumset over today... My room is becoming more and more like a jamming studio... Haha. Guitars on the floor... bass on the bed... Amps lying around. I hope the neighbours don't complain. We recorded a new tune we came up with. Think its quite nice... headed down to Raimah for dinner. Quite a lot of people there... There was Cheng, Ziig and Pam, Shaun, Jamie, Matt, Shen and myself... 'Seaman' joined us halfway... Denise and Jolynn came too... I was surprised to see Jolynn there cause she's supposed to have tuition? Anyway, had lots of fun talking nonsense with them. Went to play basketball after that... Shen, Denise and Seaman thrashed us (Cheng, Pam and myself). Had a stomachache after the game... turns out my brother had a stomachache at home also. Hmmm.. what did we eat?

I remember a few days ago, Shaun was exclaiming, "You???? Christian? I thought you from church of Satan... " Actually he's been making the same joke everytime he hears that I'm a Christian. I have to admit... Last year, I was not the ideal role model for Christianity. I guess if I'll just have to earn the respect then...

Just got home... Its been a good day. Went out to meet Andy at citylink's Pacific Coffee. Patricia was there as well... Pat was talking about how hard it is to find a job these days. Made me share about my fears in supporting myself next time. Pat left at 5-ish so Andy and I went down to borders to look for John Mayer's album. When we reached there, found that it was cheaper at HMV. So headed back to City Link. Met up with Cheng, Ziig and Pam at City Hall MRT. We headed down to Katong for Laksa and went to play CS after that. I dunno what was with me today. Felt super comical. Kept making crazy jokes and doing stupid things... hahaha...

Here's a riddle... I managed to solve it. If you want to know the right answer, can ask me cos there's something wrong with the site... The linking a bit buggy.

This is from the programme booklet from Youth Camp in December 2002.
Reality causes scars. You can't imagine how difficult this is for me. I see her everyday and basically its killing me. Talked to Andy & JianPing last night. Both mean well but have little understanding of the effort I put into the relationship. Maybe too much of my own effort. I don't understand how she and 'R' liked each other so quickly after we broke up. I just wish she had been truthful. Feel like talking to her tomorrow to lay things in the open but I dunno if that would be good. Then again, I don't feel like talking to her because I've lost my respect for her. Will see what God says. (I didn't talk to her at the youth camp) God's been good... He's been my only source of comfort these 2 months. Only when I'm in His presence does the pain ever go away. Like a painkiller.

Its good to see how far I've come since then. I honestly thought that I'd never get out of that slump... It wasn't easy though. Trying to put on a brave front and being dragged down again repeatedly. I finally had to let God handle it. I couldn't take it anymore. Now I have a new battle... Worrying about finding the right one. I'm afraid of the amount of 'conditions' that need to be met... Am I being too 'choosy'? Am I setting too high a 'standard'? Do I have to compromise? But there are some things that cannot be compromised?

Sigh... I remember wishing that I was super good looking. Just to know how it feels like? Good looking people generally get better treatment from people. Don't tell me I'm being paranoid. I've actually observed how people behave towards ordinary people and towards good looking people. Like it or not. This is how life is. Which brings me back to the point. Am I saying that looks don't matter? For me, its does matter, but only up to a point. For example, it won't make me fall in love with someone with a horrible personality.
I mentioned that I wasn't a fighter in my last entry... I would not fight or compete for someone I liked or loved. Unromantic? Think about it before you pass that comment. Why should I have to fight in the first place? I'm not going to do something that would just make the girl feel good about herself? "Oh, look at me... I'm surrounded by suitors!" No way! Of course I won't say, "This is me. Take it or leave it." But I feel that if I have to keep trying to impress her, its not worth it. I believe that a girl should be honest about her feelings. If she doesn't like me, tell me...

This post is quite long. Enough blabbering for one night. Time to go to bed... Goodnight!

Yesterday's jamming wasn't too bad... Fabian couldn't come at the last minute, so as usual we got ziig to stand in. Maha's friend, Aaron, also turned up... He played a bit for 'three simple words'. From the way the rest were nodding their heads, it seems that he plays well. I couldn't hear over the noise. Haha... Shen didn't look too happy that Fabian wasn't around. He was tossing his temper all over the studio. Heheh... Cheered up when we started working on his song. :P Its a nice song... Added in the drums already. Really look forward to performing our on songs.

I found the programme from the youth camp last year. I wrote about some of my feelings in it. I'll put it up later tonight. Going to meet up with Andy later.

Different people have different characters. You can't expect everyone to be like you right?
Don't you think its funny that they can't see the way that they are behaving? Do you think they know that they are like that?
Am I like that as well? Is there something about me that is really a problem but I don't realise? The last thing I want to be is a hypocrite.

I'm just going to throw what I feel here.
===> I find it disgusting that I'm always being challenged for attention. I can't do anything without that person in my face.
But wait daryl... When you say that you feel that you're being challenged, doesn't it mean that you're seeking it as well? So the fact that that person is 'stealing' the attention irritates you does it?
But I'm not looking for attention?
If you aren't then why are you so upset? That person can have all the attention that person wants.
You're right... It shouldn't bother me. I'm not a fighter. I guess I'm just sore at the way things are being handled here. Kinda underhanded, but life isn't fair in the first place.

You are Beast! You are brilliant and extremely clever. You can
handle almost any problem swiftly and
efficiently. You are devoted to philosophy and
are always up for a good discussion.
Sometimes, though, your anger gets the best of
you and you upset those whom you care about.


Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Watching the Inter Milan vs. AC Milan Match now... Not really paying attention to the TV... Just turning to look at the screen whenever the commentators raise their voices... Should be going to bed soon. There's jamming tomorrow...Really looking forward to it. I've been putting a lot of effort into writing lyrics and making tunes for the band. Up till now we have 4 songs (meaning lyrics and tunes). Working on a new one. Shen came up with the tune this evening...

I've been listening to lots of John Mayer lately... He's an amazing musician. The way he plays his guitar sends shivers down my spine... You know the kind where you just stand and stare in awe at how talented he is. I think the only musicians that I've seen that have come close are 'parousia'.

The match ends 0-0... I'm going to sleep now. Very tired..

::: Lyric of the Day :::
Our love was, comfortable and
so broken in
she's perfect, so flawless
or so they say, say

She thinks I can't see the smile that shes faking
and poses for pictures that aren't being taken
I loved you
grey sweat pants, no makeup, so perfect

Our love was, comfortable and
so broken in
she's perfect, so flawless
I'm not impressed, I want you back.

Hello world... Spent most of the day experimenting with my electric guitar and maha's gadget... I used the in-built 'overdrive' on the amp as well... This made the guitar super sensitive... I could play it just by touching the strings. Muahahah. POWERFUL!!! Came up with yet another tune. I was aiming for a punk rock feel but it turned out more like a old school rift... :P
I've got the rubber ducky song stuck in my head... Its really bugging me. You know the one sung by ernie from sesame street. A friend let me hear it a few nights ago and now I find myself humming it every once in a while. Bleah! Its just as bad as Kylie Minogue's "can't get you out of my head" and Shakira's "Whenever, Wherever". Haha...

Was supposed to accompany Ziig, Pam, Matt and Cheng to the movies today but remembered at the last moment that I had soccer in the evening. Soccer was fun as usual... Dale joined us also. I think he was not used to the speed of our game. Heheh... Could see him improving quite quickly though.

I got mentioned in Ruth's Blog!! Keep the faith, sister!!! Hee. Just wanna add something... Don't place all your hope and trust in friends. Its not necessary to look for acceptance from people. Being surrounded with friends doesn't mean all your problems disappear. Sure, you might forget your problems while having fun with them. But the problems are still there. I'm not saying that friends are no good... I'm not saying that we shouldn't trust them. What I'm saying is that they are human... Just like you and me. People make mistakes. People have feelings, sometimes they feel down too and cannot be encouraging. Its as simple as that. But you know God never fails, He never betrays trust or breaks his promises. He'll NEVER leave NOR forsake. God never says, "Go away, I'm busy with something right now." or "I've got my own problems!!!" Thank God for that!
I'm sorry if I don't sound encouraging to some people. Its just that this is the way I got through my depression. I know that God is always there when I need Him... The next step is not to take Him for granted when everything gets better... haha...

Sermon today was boring... 'Christianity and Divorce'. Mad topic... The majority of the people attending 2nd service were around my age. More than half aren't married. I didn't like the sermon at all... I don't like that fact that even if you 'play by the rules' you get 'cheated' and you still 'lose'... Heheheh, I'm just being sore now.

She came to church. Think its funny how they were queueing up just to talk to her. Its kind of disgusting if you think about it. I'm not gonna waste my time on her. I'm not gonna to encourage her in this by giving her attention. She doesn't fit my requirements. No, I'm not being proud and I don't think I'm setting too high a standard. I drew up a list of 'requirements' that a person has to fulfill before I consider that person as a partner. It seems that she's stopped fulfilling those requirements. Its just too bad... I asked Lynette whether I was asking for too much because there didn't seem to be anyone fulfilling the important parts of my requirements. She encouraged me by saying, "You still have the rest of your one year. Why you worry? God could be preparing someone right now."

I returned Eileen's stuff to her... Feel better now... She didn't look too pleased to have to lug around that plastic bag but I don't care. I've been putting it off for too long. Feel freer now. Still think that this relationship could have been real though. I guess its just too bad either way...

Went for lunch at Bedok with my parents, sister and brother-in-law... Had Ban Mian... Came home and bummed around till 6 plus. Went down to play soccer with some guys from my estate. Gosh, it felt good!! Its been quite a while since I've played fast paced soccer... I feel that I did quite well. Scored 4 goals. Hee... took my mind off things... Quite disappointed right now. I must not let this affect me.

::: Verse of the Day :::
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." | Deuteronomy 31:6 |

Its been a good night... Finally got right with God... Makes me wonder why I took so long. Went for CG just now. Only 4 of us from my cell turned up. The rest have exams and other things to attend to. Considering disbanding 'Solar Energy'. It seems like the growth has plateaued... Will continue to see how things turn out.

Today, I was reminded how unimportant skill is when worshipping God... I was playing guitar for the worship at CG. We combined with Yoong Soo's Cell. Anyway, didn't play very well. Timing was way off and transition was not smooth. But I just concentrated on worshipping God. Guess what, the presence of God was there. It doesn't matter how you play, how it sounds... As long as your heart is right. The purpose is to sing to God... If you can sing well, or harmonise perfectly, it'll sound nicer to us. But thats not what God wants. He looks at the heart.

Not like when my band messed up while performing a few nights ago. When we play to entertain, sometimes we'll disappoint ourselves or the people listening to us. What we play may not appeal to certain people. Some people might have high standards regarding things to do with music. But when you play for God, he only cares about the standard of your heart. Whether you mean what you sing. This doesn't mean that you have an excuse to play badly though. haha... I've gotta go to bed soon... I don't wanna miss worship tomorrow!

::: Lyric of the Day :::
When the music fades, all is stripped away,
And I simply come
Longing just to bring something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart

I'll bring You more than a song,
For a song in itself,
Is not what you have required
You search much deeper within,
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You, Jesus

This shouldn't be a problem, Daryl... It really shouldn't. Even if you take it from a practical point of view, the benefits outweigh the requirements. So why aren't you doing it? Why contemplate so hard? Why put it off? Stop procrastinating man! Go go go...

Its a vicious cycle... The less time you spend with Him, the easier it is to fall into temptation. Then the more you fall, the 'harder' it is to get back to God, because you feel inadequate to meet Him. For example, yesterday I faintly remember letting out a few expletives when I was playing CS... Why? So what is my heart full of then? Whatever it is, its not scripture. I've been saying, I need to get back to God. But I haven't been doing it. Letting myself get distracted constantly.

::: Verse of the Day :::
"You offspring of vipers! How can you speak good things when you are evil (wicked)? For out of the fullness (the overflow) of the heart the mouth speaks" | Matthew 12:34(AMP) |

Went to Sengkang Methodist Church today. Its quite big... Could fit over 900 people in the sanctuary. Anyway, I was there for a seminar... Supposed to go for 'powerful preaching' but I discovered that it'd be in Mandarin. So decided to accompany Stephanie and Elissa to 'Wesleyan Revival and Tradition'. I knew that it was going to be a dry topic once I saw the title. But it would be the only one spoken in English! I think too much emphasise is being placed on John Wesley... Yes, he did do a lot of things for Methodists but these were bible truths. Its not like he discovered something special? Yesh... Give him credit for doing God's work and preaching about God's love and grace but it still is GOD's love and grace?
Had a nice time chatting with Stephanie and Elissa during lunch. Found out some quite surprising information about her... Thank God for showing me through this, that there are some people who aren't so shallow after all.

Went for basketball with Shen, Cheng and Denise just now. I actually wanted to discuss tunes with Shen but didn't get an opportunity to. (He just called me... He sounds pretty upset. Hope everything is alright...)
Denise had a cow just now over a small issue... I think its my fault, but I can't find where the fault is? Hope she's alright.
This reminds me of Eileen. When she would get angry for no apparent reason. PMS gets way too much credit. Or maybe I really don't understand... All I know is that I can't be anything more than right.

PMS: When girls don't know what they want, still want it and when they can't get it, get angry with guys for not knowing what they wanted in the first place.
Sheesh.. Why am I letting myself get into this topic?

::: Song of the Day :::
give a word of fragile optimism that this will be okay
bore down on gluttonous hands, regurgitated thoughts from my heart
this can only be the going under
this can only be killing the me in me
push and pull like the machines
the humans anthems are dying in me
i don't think a soul knows compromise like a soul mate
it sleeps with me
in my flesh i ask for a personal bleeding
the holy ghost has word with me
it comes in love, it comes with gentle hands that disinfect the sting for me
a whole is filled without the ring
instead a kiss, a kiss from the sun to try again

Good morning world... Exams ended today... Feel more like myself once again. Dunno how I'll do for my exams but I did try my best. Hope thats good enough. Today was an enjoyable day. I headed straight for the airport once my exam ended.. reached at around 5:30pm? Ate at Burger King while reading 'Mere Christianity'. Made my way to the viewing mall to spend time with God. Didn't get to read the bible though... I was listening to music and doing a lot of thinking. Finally forced myself to take off the headphones and talk to God.

How's it going? Are you enjoying the peace I'm bringing you?
Yes I am... Thank You, God. What should I do now? Whats my next move?
Take it easy child. You know what you should do...
God, I still have a bit of that longing feeling...
When have I failed you? Trust me...

I think I was sleepy... Cos after awhile, my mind started wandering...
Met up with Cheng, Shen, Denise and Jolynn just now... I don't wanna reveal to much so as to not damage the reputation of my band. HAHA... Anyway, we suddenly had this opportunity to perform so I called Matt down to join us... Cheng was our replacement bassist. To make a long story short, we disappointed ourselves... Made a lot of mistakes. On one of our best covers as well... Sigh.
Have to go to bed now... Its so late. Hafta to be in some church in Sengkang at 9am tomorrow for a seminar...

::: Lyric of the Day :::
There's been times, I'm so confused
All my roads, They lead to you
I just can't turn and walk away

It's hard to say what it is I see in you
Wonder if I'll always be with you
But words can't say, And I can't do
Enough to prove, It's all for you